Things that make me thankful
Friday, November 28, 2008
My daughter:

My husband:

My home:

I have a good life.

Holiday annoyances
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Not your typical holiday annoyance, but with the state of the economy it felt appropriate for me to be annoyed with things like companies that I give my money to sending me holiday greetings cards in the mail. Petty of me? Maybe. Still annoying to me? Definitely.

They are spending the money I have been paying them (which I personally feel is entirely too much) on something I don't need. What I DO need is a break on my car insurance. Not a holiday greeting card.

I'm starting to sound like Tiffanie with my bitching about all the assholes in the world.

Yeah, I'm that asshole now
Friday, November 21, 2008
You know the one, right? The one with the SUV/truck with 4 wheel or all wheel drive that buzzes by you on the snow covered streets because you are CRAWLING, like a snail that needs to be crushed under my superior piece of machinery. I'm laughing as my massive and much more impressive tires throw slush, snow and salt all over your windshield. Yep, that's me.

I'm not yet the asshole that you see about a quarter mile down the road stuck in the ditch or with half of my extraordinary vehicle permanently fused with the guard rail. Give me time to attain that status.

Mean Me
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Mean things I may or may not have said this week*:

- Did you sleep in that shirt last night?
- If you can't walk 12 feet to the printer maybe it's time to retire.
- No.
- I no longer have any respect for her if she can't show me any respect for my time.
- Was that shirt sitting at the bottom of the laundry basket before you put it on this morning?
- Maybe you should try it before you tell me it doesn't work.
- Asshole.
- I can't help you. You need to call someone who cares. Thanks for calling the Unhelpful Helpdesk.

Any mean things come out of your mouth this week that you would like to confess?

* Some of these may have just been thoughts that I was too chicken shit to actually say out loud.

My Fried Green Tomatoes Moment
Saturday, November 15, 2008
I tried to hit up the grocery store for some gift cards (fuel perks rock!) today while the husband is driving to another state for a car part. This means that the daughter has to come with me. I feed her, pack up the car and get us both in it while it's still relatively dry out. I get to the grocery store and as I pull into the parking lot I see a herd of teenage girls leave the store and pile into a black VW Jetta that just happens to be parked in the new parents with children spot. Fine on any other day, but the lot is completely packed and it just started raining. Not just a pissy drizzling rain, but a full-on buckets of water on your head rain. I drive round and round waiting for the teeny-boppers to move their fucking car and they still haven't moved. I see the teeny-driver texting on her cell phone as the rest of the herd giggles in the car. This is when I had a daydream that involved driving my SUV right up the ass end of her little hatchback. You know, something like this:

I resisted because I don't have better insurance and I probably would have made the daughter cry by yelling "Towanda!" out of my window as I drove away cackling.

My Record
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
I'm not a political person at all and don't consider myself for one party or another. I do vote in all the elections though because I've been told it's important*.

I have voted in 5 presidential elections (that my vote counted) and I thought my voting record for backing a winner was interesting. I'll throw in the 2 elections I got to "vote" on as part of school projects as well, although my 3rd grade judgement is a bit circumspect**.

My voting record is 2-5.

Not a very good record is it? I will say that one of those losers went to Ross Perot. I was a sad, sad voter. Hopefully, my record is on the rebound now though.

* Told since I was conceived just how important it is.
** Carter is easier to rhyme than Reagan when you're creating a campaign slogan. Maybe he really is smarter.

Then stop calling me!
Saturday, November 01, 2008
I've already voted. Stop calling my phone trying to sway me to vote for you. It's just confirming my choice with your excruciatingly painful persistence. You don't even have the decency to hang up when you get the answering machine. No, you wait through the "I'm not here leave a message" spiel to leave your pre-recorded propaganda message. It's too late, bitches! My vote has been tallied!