Sappy sadness
Thursday, December 13, 2012
This is the last draft that I wrote and never published. I wrote it earlier in the spring this year when all the animal babies were being born, everything was beautiful, and my baby was 18 months old and stinking adorable. She's now 26 months old and OMG, how did the daughter make it to three years old because her sister might not get to 27 months?

It's interesting how you can be going along your day and then suddenly some totally random thing can set you off and you start crying for no good reason.

We're not having any more babies (unless someone wants to give us a lot of money so we can afford to pay the exorbitant prices for daycare, that is.*) and it hit me the other day at Goodwill. Two and done. I was dropping off a couple of bags of clothes that my youngest has outgrown and weren't "good enough" for the consignment shop. I handed the carefully packed bag to the man working the drive-thru drop-off and he tossed over the edge of the big bin full of other peoples donated clothes and when it hit those other bags it slipped sideways and a little jean romper with a tiny, pretty, glittery fairy surrounded by tiny silver stars on the front bib slipped out of the bag. It came partway out and slid between the bars of the cart and almost fell onto the ground.

I cried about it, that little piece of clothing that both of my daughters had worn. The eldest wore it with a long sleeve onsie that had eyelet lace around the collar paired with a sweet pair of white tights because she was a winter baby and needed the coverage. My youngest had worn it with pink leggings sporting little bows on the ankles, paired with a short sleeve white onsie with ruffly sleeves because the jumper didn't fit her until spring.

I almost got out of the car and snatched that jumper out of the cart to take it with me. I already have two overflowing boxes with clothes that have sentimental meaning for me. I plan to make them into lap quilts for both of them someday when I've gathered enough material. Why didn't I keep that jumper? I have no idea, but I drove away and left it there. I couldn't have the guys working the drive thru thinking I was a crazy person, jumping out of the car and snatching a baby jumper out of the bin, with tears streaming down her face.

We're not having any more babies and it still makes me sad sometimes.

*I also need a time machine to make myself 10 years younger because I'm an old fart that shouldn't be having any more babies.


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