OCD vs. Lazy - We have a winner!
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
I was at a training seminar a few weeks ago and stopped in the ladies room after lunch on the first day. When I got into the stall my eyes were seared by the sight of the toilet paper hanging the wrong way on the wall. I won't go into details on how wrong it was (debates could be had for years about the correct method), but let's just say I had trouble breathing and my eyes were tearing up so much (from the aforementioned searing) I had to stabilize myself by hanging onto the purse hook. Luckily these were sturdily built stalls. My OCD immediately took action and corrected the offending roll of paper. Then I thought if this one stall was wrong the rest could also be wrong and I think I could have passed out for about 5 seconds at that point, I can't be sure. After coming to, lazy kicked in and said "Fuck it..." I got up, washed my hands and left.

Lazy 1 - OCD 0

I have E. Coli and I'm going to die!
Friday, September 15, 2006
Ok, technically I don't have it right now for sure, but I know I'm going to have it soon. I just read this on the news about eating packaged spinach and that's what I consume every day for lunch with some nice poppy seed dressing and a light sprinkling of bacon bits (for flavor!). Now I'm going to die. I'll begin shooting bloody diarrhea out of my ass tonight right after I eat those yummy chicken fajitas I am going to make for dinner. Then I will be running to the movie theater bathroom every 5 minutes during Artie Lange's Beer League to shoot flaming fajita liquid out of my ass.

I was fine about 30 minutes ago after I had finished my little salad, baby carrots and nectarine. Now my stomach hurts and I am about to warn my employer that I won't be in next week due to death by E. Coli. It was nice knowing I got to put something out there for people to read before I leave this earth. Goodbye everyone! I will miss you all!

When It Rains, It Pours and My Phone Doesn't Work
My luck sucks these days or years. Recently, when it starts raining we lose our phone line, usually in the middle of the night. How do we know this in the middle of the night, when we are sound asleep and sleeping? The incessant screeching of the alarm system alerting us to the fact that "Oh no! We have no dial-tone!".

Here's what I don't understand. We have been calling our cable company (the same people supplying our intermittent phone service, crappy digital blocky cable and intermittent internet service who will remain nameless at this time to protect the innocent until proven guilty) complaining about losing our internet access right in the middle of some very important online gaming activity, er, I mean online college class time. We've also mentioned the fact that our digital cable that is supposed to have sooo much better quality and reliability than those piddly satellite companies gets all blocky and messed up. This is all in addition to the SCREEEEEEEEEECHING of the alarm system when the digital phone goes out.

They have sent out not one, not two, not even three technicians, but five (yes, I said five) technicians to figure out the problem. The first one replaced the line that feeds the modem that gives us the phone and internet. But the cable TV is a separate line, isn't it? Why, yes, it is. the second and third one both replaced the modem that had nothing wrong with it and again ignored the blocky cable. The fourth tech came out while it was raining and the cable, internet and phone were acting up but since it was raining he couldn't climb the pole to look at the lines. The fifth technician came out and disconnected all the cable lines to the 4 other TVs in our house rendering them useless tchotchke holders and he TOOK our splitters. The expensive ones we got at Radio Shack so the signal would stay strong and the picture would look good (didn't work very well, we still have snowy channels, but I am now blaming that on the weather and bad lines OUTSIDE our home). My husband just let him walk out with our property. My big strong protector didn’t stop him from taking our $15 splitters. Then he promised to send another line technician out because he was only an interior wiring guy and couldn't work on the lines outside.

Every time we have called complaining about these problems we have stressed the fact that EVERY SINGLE system in our house goes to shit when it rains or gets wet outside. Still nothing has been corrected. We are so close to going back to a normal phone line, DSL and satellite. Cut-off day for our lovely, local cable company and their little bird that isn't so fast is next Friday. Meanwhile, we'll get practice in for if we ever get up the courage to have a kid by waking up every hour when the alarm screeches "The phone! It isn't working! Help me!"