gurgle, blurg, blug, blah, gah, glaguuuuuuhhhhh Saturday, February 28, 2009

That is about how I feel right now. Sinus pain (HURTS), another 2 pages on this damn paper need to be written, tired-tired-tired-tired, dizzy (damn sinuses messing with my ears now), beer didn't help any, headache (that the beer and aspirin didn't make go away), and did I mention my sinuses are messing with my inner ear and I feel like I'm going to hurl chunks? Um, yeah.

Someone want to write these last 2 pages for me? I can't pull any more bullshit our of my ass/head right now.

Commas are my friend Saturday, February 14, 2009

I never realized how many you actually had to use when typing sentences. Writing college papers really brings that SLAMMING right back into your face.

I suck Tuesday, February 10, 2009

6:23am - Let me grab this bag of baby carrots to snack on today at work. I'm going to be so good about eating healthy from now on.
8:07am - One small bowl of Special K with strawberries for breakfast? Check! Look how good I'm being!
9:34am - Hhhhhmmm...kinda hungry. Oh yeah! Baby carrots! 7 baby carrots for a snack.
10:22am - Huh, hungry again. Look, co-worker refilled her M&M dispenser. 1 handful won't hurt any, right?
11:10am - Tired and stressed now...I need a pick-me-up. Look! There are still M&Ms in the dispenser. 1 more small handful will be ok. No more for the rest of the day though. I'll stick to my carrots.
11:55am - Lunchtime! I'm going to be good and hit the grocery store deli for a tasty salad.
12:18pm - Those salads looked icky today, but that personal pizza was tasty!
1:25pm - Damnit...hungry again. Carrots! I'll be good!
3:11pm - HUNGRY!!! Carrots get all stuck in my gums and teeth, but M&Ms melt in my mouth. A couple more handfuls will get me through the rest of the day. I'll just eat a small dinner. Yeah, it will all be ok.
5:46pm - Dinner? Spaghetti...a big bowl of it. The daughter doesn't want spaghetti. Guess we'll have graham crackers and yogurt too. Yum.
7:32pm - We have ice cream and magic shell and caramel topping. I can't let all that go to waste and get freezer burn. Better eat it up!

*waddles out of this blog post*

Conversations in bed Monday, February 09, 2009

W (reflecting): Our new kitchen faucet is HUGE!
H: I wish my dick were that huge. I could slay animals with it.
W: That would be a lot of trouble having a dick that huge. It would drag on the ground or chafe a lot against your leg.
H: I could swing it back and forth-taking animals out by clubbing them with it.
W: You could design pants with an actual third leg just for your huge dick and that could avoid the whole chafing issue.
H: That would be sweet.

Poo filled days and nights Thursday, February 05, 2009

It's everywhere. The dogs do it, the daughter does it and the husband and I do it. We're up to our asses in poo (hee hee).

Pooer #1. The damn dogs. They had to be moved out of the house due to some severe allergy issues and they are not happy dogs now. It's a bit colder out there despite the carpet and blankets we provide. The largest one (the one that creates the largest poo of course) has decided that pooing outside is overrated. The garage floor next to my car is much more convenient. And it stinks. A lot. She's about to find out the garage isn't so bad compared to a dog house outside. Stupid dog would probably love it though. She's a Saint Bernard after all and there is snow and cold to be had outside. I won't even get into the poo eating, 'nother topic for 'nother day. Ick.

Pooer #2 is the daughter who for the second day in a row has woken me up early with some of the nastiest, smelliest poo I've ever encountered and gotten on my hands and shirt. I think there might be some in my hair right now, but I'm denying the stinky evidence. This poo oozes it's way out of the diaper and gets in every little crack and crevice. It's like an alien poo from some far-off planet called, Ordure Excreta 7. Just this morning the daughter got me twice with this unholy excrement. It was not a "Good morning!" like we tell daycare when she gets dropped off every day.

Pooer #3 and #4 are the husband and I. We poo. That's part of life. One of us plugged the toilet recently, but I'm not going to name names (to keep the shame private). The plugger did have to go the store and buy a plunger, milk and pick up a birthday cake because we had guests coming that day. The innocent party rightfully refused to make the trip for these items.

I'm going to have to order butt-plugs soon. You should stay tuned for pee filled days and nights.

Said to me Tuesday, February 03, 2009

"I think I've had enough today for the year."

Yes, I agree muchly. Now bring on the drinks!