Hell hath frozen over. Tuesday, November 24, 2009

My ass is hurting from those damn pigs flying out of it too. They just can't seem to remember to keep their wings tucked back when they exit. Flap them after you're out!

I'm riding in my car flipping through the channels on my Sirius radio and come across a song that I stopped at and actually started singing along to. Then later that night I taught my daughter some dance moves to it while singing it to her. A few days later my finger moved on it's own volition and pressed Memo on the radio to "favorite" it. If you aren't familiar with satellite radio, you can favorite up to 20 songs and it will alert you when those songs come on the radio.

I imagine when that song entered my memo list (it even usurped Linkin Park that had been in residence for months) there was quite a stirring in the ranks.

Scene: Miley Cyrus enters the room with her Party in the USA song.

Chevelle, Hurt, 10 Years, and 30 Seconds to Mars look up from brooding in the corner over whose cutting scars are more meaningful to notice the disturbance: Who is that? I don't know, but she's kinda cute so she'll never even notice us.

Korn: Hey there, beautiful. Come on over and freak on this leash.

Pantera: FUCKING HOSTILE!

Counting Crows, Green Day, and Maroon 5 look up: Miley Cyrus? She won't be here long. Remember how quickly that Katy Perry was in and out of here?

Deftones, and Drowning Pool don't even notice anything going on.

Jay Z grants Miley an imperceptible nod in passing. (after all, she does mention him in her song)

Aaaaaaand, scene.

Excuse me, while I go Preparation H my butthole now. Damn pigs will never learn!

Not so grown-up, grown-ups Friday, November 06, 2009

I firmly believe that some of the the people I work with have an empty toilet paper roll sitting on top of another empty toilet paper roll in the holder with a half-used roll sitting on top of the opened bag of toilet paper next to the toilet because they were too lazy to change the roll that their mom originally placed on the holder when they moved into the apartment or house that they now live in by themselves*. Plus, the sink is probably full of dirty dishes and the trash can is full of dirty paper plates because washing the real dishes never happened so it was just easier to buy some paper plates when they bought the toilet paper. In addition, their mailbox is overflowing with junk mail because they online bill pay everything so why would they need to check the mailbox? Finally, there are most likely piles of dirty underwear next to the empty underwear packages because it was easier to just buy new underwear instead of washing what they already had.

Message to those coworkers: You brag about your heavy lifting work-outs so why don't you lift that water cooler jug and put it on in place of the one you just emptied and save yourself an extra rep? Hey, did you notice that you just drank the last cup of coffee from the pot? Think maybe someone else might want a cup? I mean, it is only 10:30 in the morning. By the way, you might want to go ahead and flush the urinal/toilet when you are done instead of leaving your little surprise behind for the next person**.


*Wow, long sentence, that was. So, Yoda says.
**That last one was just hearsay from the men here. I have not actually witnessed this atrocious act.