Domestic conditions demand your attention.
Shit. I better clean the toilet in the second bath.
Shit. I better clean the toilet in the second bath.
I have joined the ranks of all the moms that have come before me this morning. Proudly following in the footsteps of my mother, my mother's mother, mother's mother's mother, and so on, I licked my thumb and tried to clean the milk moustache off my daughter's face. I got out of my car and reached in to unbuckle her from the carseat and saw the offending moustache and knew that she could not go into daycare looking so disheveled. Without any thought, I ran the tip of right thumb along the edge of my tongue and then applied that moisture to the corners of the daughter's mouth. It didn't work. Now I understand why my mom rubbed so freaking hard.
I then stepped even further into my mom shoes by digging out a partially used tissue from my purse, moistening a clean part with some spit and then rubbing that on my daughter's face. I not only cleaned off the milk moustache, but I removed the snot smudge, and then dug the booger out of her nose all in the same swooping motion. She was clean and ready to be seen in public. So what if she was now crying and mad at me for touching her with a slightly dirty and damp tissue? She was going to be seen by people and I would be judged by her appearance*.
I am now wearing my mom badge in appreciation of this humbling moment in the history of moms.
*I may have also licked my whole hand and pressed it on some hair that was sticking up from the back of her head. Possibly.
I then stepped even further into my mom shoes by digging out a partially used tissue from my purse, moistening a clean part with some spit and then rubbing that on my daughter's face. I not only cleaned off the milk moustache, but I removed the snot smudge, and then dug the booger out of her nose all in the same swooping motion. She was clean and ready to be seen in public. So what if she was now crying and mad at me for touching her with a slightly dirty and damp tissue? She was going to be seen by people and I would be judged by her appearance*.
I am now wearing my mom badge in appreciation of this humbling moment in the history of moms.
*I may have also licked my whole hand and pressed it on some hair that was sticking up from the back of her head. Possibly.
I can't stand it when I get into these funks. Everything is changing and I can't control it. I don't like the changes and it is upsetting me. I'm not responsible for the changes, but I have this insatiable need to fix them because they are breaking things that I have loved. I can't fix them because they are not my problems to fix and that hurts me a lot. I never thought I was a fixer, but I guess deep down, I really am. I'm sad and there is no way to make it all better right now. I'll just be sitting here with my hurt feelings watching all the other hurt feelings and seeing things become broken and I'm so very sad. My happy home isn't happy anymore and I'm losing control of what little I could control. Maybe it's time to find a new happy home. These are all just feelings and thoughts that have become overwhelming to me. I need to step back and evaluate where it all is taking me and see if that is really where I want to be.
