Things I've Seen
- A man driving an exact replica of the General Lee*.
- Someone throwing buckets of water out of their second story window. I thought this became passe (huh, I wonder where I can get one of those little accent marks they use in other languages...) in the 1700's.
- A man riding a bike with one of those baby carts behind it but no baby in the cart. No, he had his dog in it.
- Myself using scissors to cut the little bits of flaking plastic/rubber off of the heel of my boot.
Things I've Heard
- My daughter telling her toys about her dreams the night before, "Wa, wa, wa, ba, ba, da-da-da-da-da, ra-ra, pthbt, ma-ma-ma-ma-ma."
- The crunch of metal against metal when I saw (Damn! This could have been under Things I've Seen) a small car rear-end a utility truck. The utility truck didn't even budge.
- The husband telling me he loves me.
- My Zappo's bargain boots making that squeaky-squeaky sound when I walk like that little organ playing lady in Sixteen Candles makes when she walks. Except, I didn't have a flask in my purse.
Things I've Smelled
- Dog food puke with solid chunks of poo in it. I shit you not. My dog is a shit-eater.
- My daughter's freshly bathed head. Nothing like it in the world.
- My daughter's freshly soiled diaper. Nothing like it in the world.**
- Wet, dead worms on the pavement.
- Cocoa butter lotion. Smells like chocolate. I love it!
Things I've Touched
- A candy bar still in the wrapper that I couldn't open and then consume (stupid dairy elimination diet).
- My daughter's soft little fingers touching my cheeks right before she landed a big wet one on my nose.
- Snow on my face.
- My husband's rough beard.
Things I've Tasted
- A not so fresh pear.***
- Tomato basil hummus with pita bread that wasn't as good as the sundried tomato hummus with pita bread.
- Orbit Wintergreen gum.
- The lotion on my thumb (smells like, but does not taste like chocolate) when I licked it to wipe off the schmutz on my daughter's face. I've become my mother.
* Dukes of Hazzard Yeeee-haaaaawwwww!
** I'll let you decide which is better.
*** PSA - check your fruit ripeness being sinking your teeth into it. You'll thank me for this.
- A man driving an exact replica of the General Lee*.
- Someone throwing buckets of water out of their second story window. I thought this became passe (huh, I wonder where I can get one of those little accent marks they use in other languages...) in the 1700's.
- A man riding a bike with one of those baby carts behind it but no baby in the cart. No, he had his dog in it.
- Myself using scissors to cut the little bits of flaking plastic/rubber off of the heel of my boot.
Things I've Heard
- My daughter telling her toys about her dreams the night before, "Wa, wa, wa, ba, ba, da-da-da-da-da, ra-ra, pthbt, ma-ma-ma-ma-ma."
- The crunch of metal against metal when I saw (Damn! This could have been under Things I've Seen) a small car rear-end a utility truck. The utility truck didn't even budge.
- The husband telling me he loves me.
- My Zappo's bargain boots making that squeaky-squeaky sound when I walk like that little organ playing lady in Sixteen Candles makes when she walks. Except, I didn't have a flask in my purse.
Things I've Smelled
- Dog food puke with solid chunks of poo in it. I shit you not. My dog is a shit-eater.
- My daughter's freshly bathed head. Nothing like it in the world.
- My daughter's freshly soiled diaper. Nothing like it in the world.**
- Wet, dead worms on the pavement.
- Cocoa butter lotion. Smells like chocolate. I love it!
Things I've Touched
- A candy bar still in the wrapper that I couldn't open and then consume (stupid dairy elimination diet).
- My daughter's soft little fingers touching my cheeks right before she landed a big wet one on my nose.
- Snow on my face.
- My husband's rough beard.
Things I've Tasted
- A not so fresh pear.***
- Tomato basil hummus with pita bread that wasn't as good as the sundried tomato hummus with pita bread.
- Orbit Wintergreen gum.
- The lotion on my thumb (smells like, but does not taste like chocolate) when I licked it to wipe off the schmutz on my daughter's face. I've become my mother.
* Dukes of Hazzard Yeeee-haaaaawwwww!
** I'll let you decide which is better.
*** PSA - check your fruit ripeness being sinking your teeth into it. You'll thank me for this.
2 Comments:
This post made me laugh. Thanks.
OMG that cracked me up. I loved the part about the squeeky shoes and the lady from 16 candels.
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